Rebuilding myself from scratch

What happened today

I have been planning a version of this for two years. Different notebooks, a few abandoned folders, one half-built website. Today I stopped planning it and started recording it.

The rule I gave myself is narrow on purpose: document, don't perform. This is not a place to look disciplined. It is the place where the real state of things gets written down, including the parts that make me look unserious.

So here is the real state on day one. I am out of shape rather than unfit. My English is good enough to read anything and not good enough to sell an idea in a meeting. My career is stable and narrower than I want it to be. I know what I want the next version of me to look like and I have almost no evidence that I can get there.

What went wrong

The recording took four attempts. In the first one I talked for ninety seconds about what I was going to do rather than what I was actually doing — the exact thing this project is supposed to stop. The fourth attempt is not good either. It is just honest, and it exists, which is the only quality that matters today.

I also spent two hours on the website that I could have spent on the video. Building the tool is easier than using it, and I should watch that pattern closely.

What changes tomorrow

One recording, before 21:00, in English, unscripted. One strength session with the weight written down. No new plans, no new systems, no new folders.

The first version of anything is embarrassing. That is what makes it a first version.